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jasmine's

♥ LADYLICIOUS


JASMINE♥

10th MARCH, my BIG day :D

RED is the sex yooooo

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April 2009
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Friday, September 18, 2009

Recently , many things happen , nothing make me feel better , I smile for the sake of smiling , I laugh for the sake of laughing , I say I am not feeling sad just cause I don't want let others who care to worry for me, I act happy just to avoid all question by friends and those who care... I feel lonely inside me seriously I feel damn lonely ,  everytime I saw my Friends talking about something happily but I don't understand what they are talking about ,I feel sad I feel that I am being left out... Sometime I was talking to them , calling them super many time , why can't they hear me ? Am I talking too soft or what ? Just needed Friend who share common topic with me , hear what I say , listen to me , share the same ideas with me , understand me well.
Few days ago , I was being chase out of house by my daddy , just cause I quarrel with my sister but me and my sister did not really quarrel that how we communicate with each others, sound weird right ? daddy suddenly get so angry and scolded us damn loudly but somehow he like push all the blame toward me ? that how I feel ? I got so angry walk out of his room and sat in a living room , thinking of many things , holding back my tears but I feel so hurt inside and I stood up while stood up that time I accidently kick on the chair and my dad just came out of the room and saw that , he took the keys and open up the gate and chase me out of house , I got so angry and I run out of the house with tears took nothing but my phone , sitting at the staircase trying to stop the tears but I just couldn't stop it , sms everyone in my phone but only baby and ben replied. while smsing and thinking of many things, I feel like jumping down and end my life . At that time , I feel like ending everything ... 45mins later , mummy came shouting at my name looking everywhere for me , searching high and low and finally she found me , we had a heart to heart talk, she say actually is your daddy ask me come find you de, at that moments my tears flow down my eyes like water , at that time I feel that my parent actually do care for me but in their own ways which I don't really understand , went home with her after that and went in the room say sorry to my daddy... Just wanna say SORRY to my parents I was being so stubborn on that day ...
Hmm few days ago , Baby told me his asiasoft account was being suspended due to failure to sign in asiasoft for 5 times , find that asiasoft is like cheating money ? just because of the password suspend ppl acc... Alright rmb Baby told me before , He spend a few hunderds or even close to a thousand dollar on audition and maple but just by 5 min everything was like gone , all his maple, auditionsea acc couldn't sign in anymore , yea our couple heart , our fam ranking and fam was like gone forever ? A couple of days before our fam have been chiong-ing fam point and our ranking shoot up to a certain results , we all expected to see but gone in just 5 min of  failure of signing , all the hardwork goes down into the drain ... somehow kind of disappointed but what to do ? Face the reality bahx ...
Hmm , yesterday went finding baby after school but ended up when reaching his house downstair . he fell asleep , was like so fucking freak out ,  sudden loneliness came calling my name , bused back with anger and sadness , without receiving any msges or calls from him like for hours til he woke up , he call me but by that time I was still so angry , didn't feel like even talking to him until 7pm , started talking again but the anger still hasn't go down yet but still trying to act happy and chat with him but what more his msges was like super duper short and SIAN than after that , he fell asleep again without even informing me , at that moments I feel like a fool waiting and waiting and waiting for his msges til I fall asleep... Even til today morning , I haven even receive any msges from him to afternoon 1 pm , somehow disappointed but what can I say , nothing ...

currently:
waiting for baby to reply my msges
waiting for baby to be free
waiting for baby to finally chat with me [a proper one]
waiting for baby to find me
waiting for someone to really understand what I wanted , how I feel , understand me 

Soon N level is starting again  , mugging hard in my studies recently , feeling so stress as I found out that there are so much things I don't really understand , wonder what I am doing in school this years , have I listen to what teachers teach ? Have I do self revision at home after teachers teach ? Have I understand what teachers teach? Have I been sleeping in school ? why when the time I do my revision at home , I couldn't understand a single things ? I wanna go sec 5 but the requirements was like damn hard now , thinking of all the negative things now , something I feel like giving up education , I find that it is causing lots of unwanted stress for me , I admit I haven been listening well enough to what teachers teach this year but I scare if I work hard now , its a total too late for me ...

p/s : Sometime , I feel that have your feeling toward me change ? or am I thinking too much ? I feel that you have change a lot , I feel that I am a total stranger to you now but I don't wanna assume anything , no more quarrelling that why I chose solve everything peacefully but there is still sadness and loneliness in my heart ...
If you happen to pass-by my blog and read the things I wrote , don't assume anything and don't start calling me and ask me about this and that.And don't feel stress or sad about it..

Friendship :

To me now I really don't understand what is friendship like or am I too much or too selfish ? maybe bahx everyone have his or her own thinking , that how I feel ... 
Shall end my post now , GOOD BYE , this post is all about how I feel , you can chose to ignore it cause there is nothing important in it ...


4:34:00 AM